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 The Ramayana Battle: Wikipedia

Link to Storybook: Ashley's Storybook



Comments

  1. Hi Ashley!
    Wow! Your story was amazing. It mirrored the original Ramayana tale so closely and yet those few details you added really changed it up and made it your own. I think you did a great job at making the owl the focal point of your story even though it wasn’t the main character. Like, the premise of the story centered around Sita and her kidnapping but the owl was such an integral part in the progression of events. It’s hard to explain, but that is what I loved about your story, and I think it takes a lot of skill to be able to do that well, so kudos to you. You mentioned what Lakshmi is called when with her elephants - is she called another name when with her owls? Another question I have just out of curiosity is that even though both Rama and Sita are unaware of their identities in relation to the deities, if Rama was able to understand what the owl symbolized, did Sita ever come to the same realization? And why not, if she didn’t? I appreciate that you didn’t change the important plot points of the Ramayana tale, but if she did realize that the owl was protecting her from this scheme, the story may have ended very differently. Who know though. This may be something to consider for a future story; if your next story is about another incarnation of Lakshmi or another deity in general, they could be a little more self-aware and understand the importance of the vahanas.

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  2. Hello Ashley I loved the look of your page keeping it simple. I too did a re telling with minor adjustments to make it more understandable and I felt reading yours was easier than reading the originals. Also the separation by having many paragraphs helped for it to read very smoothly. Every paragraph starts with a name or a place so you know what each paragraph is going for. The owl was clearly a important focus of the story maybe you could capitalize the O every time to know every time the owl is mentioned. Your story does seem like a great story for images in between. In the last paragraph it was kind of hard to follow the dialogue maybe less pronouns and saying the actual name would help. Overall I love the direction of your portfolio and hopefully I get to follow up reading more.

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  3. Hi Ashley,

    You have done such a good job of laying out your website and making it easy to navigate. I see that you are doing a storybook, but I am not exactly sure of the stories. I think they are very well told and make a lot of sense with the lack of change you made in settings and characters. It is smart to make those small changes so that the stories work together! However, I am a bit confused about the overarching topic of the storybook. It feels somewhat portfolio driven rather than storybook. Maybe if you gave a general overview of the topic/ what specifically connects the stories it would be easier for the reader to dive into? Is this a storybook based on The Ramayana? Sorry for my misunderstanding I see how the stories connect but I think that if you gave a basis on the first page it would be more understood!

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  4. Hello,

    Firstly lets address your website. It was easy to navigate and I enjoyed looking at the pictures. I also did not have trouble coming to the comment wall. I think it had a darker themed aesthetic look and I really liked it. Keep that up and experiment with different fonts. I liked your stories of Rama and how you made little changes to give it originality. I think you did a really good job doing your research but also not copy/pasting the story and giving it minor twists and turns. Keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing how this turns out in the end. Best, Zille Huma

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  5. Hi Ashley!
    I had the pleasure of first reading your storybook weeks ago, so when we were given the option to go back to a project we'd already commented on, yours came to mind. I still really love your first story, and I just read your second one. Both are very well done. Even though you made minor changes to the story, I agree that those changes made more sense with the plot. I will say though, the owl was such a central figure in your first story and was present throughout that I was expecting the same for the second story. To be honest, I forgot that the premise of your storybook was vahanas until the end of the story when the elephant showed up. You may consider either incorporating the elephant into the story earlier or at least mentioned him throughout. Your storybook is so intriguing and the concept is so unique, so as a reader I want to be reminded of that concept while reading the stories instead of forgetting it. Excellent job though! Your storybook is amazing!

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  6. Hello Ashley. I just read your first story of your storybook. I thought it was really cool. Specifically, I liked how you start the story with an explanation of who Lakshmi is by discussing what her traits are and who her variations. I also like how you explain how she fits in in the Ramayana. I thought your retelling was interesting, because you add a lot more details than what I read in the Public Domain Edition of the Ramayana. As a result, it was very enjoyable to read your story since I felt like I had a new perspective to what I read. I also liked reading the dialogue, because it felt authentic to how Rama and Sita would interact while they were in exile. I also thought that the dialogue helped me to be more invested in the story since I was able to read what the characters were actually saying. Overall a great story. I really enjoyed it.

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  7. Hi Ashley! Your storybook was an amazing read, as I feel like it was straight out of the Ramayama itself. I love how you fleshed out the interactions between Lakshmi and Rama and Sita, as I felt that I was reading a chapter out of a full fledged novel instead of something based on shorter stories. I originally read about the Ramayana in the Tiny Tales version, so I am missing much more interactions and depth when it comes to my knowledge of the epic. Your writing flowed very well and I was able to picture the scene clearly thanks to your descriptive dialogue. The dialogue between the characters also felt very natural and not as forced compared to other stories I've read. Sometimes I struggle to stay entertained when reading epics but your telling had me hooked from start to finish and I was happy to read your rendition.

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  8. Hello Ashley,

    The first thing I noticed was the Ramayana look of your page. I loved the images you used. They were really colorful, and they really made stood out. The color contrasts really took my attention, kind of like abstract art. This is good because it means you were able to attract attention to your page and make the reader curious and excited to read your story .I think the author’s note you provided was really beneficial and explained/broke down your storyline well. I did a story project on Rama and Sita as well and I think your wording matched the Ramayana very well. The working and dialogues were very similar and I think you did a really good job at the stories. I would focus on grammar I noticed you had some run on sentences,, but I think besides these minor mistakes you did a really good job!

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  9. Hi Ashley,
    I enjoy your retelling of the Ramayana, because I also did something similar to this in my storybook. What I enjoy more is how you took the epic, that's typically focused around the story of a man trying to capture his beloved wife, into something that's more focused around the women in the epic -- with the exception of the story of Indra. One bit of criticism I could give to this would be with your dialogue. Each of your stories do contain dialogue, but sometimes it gets a little confusing at times. At the same time, what if you added more to the story so your reader could feel more relatable to your own characters? I did this in one of my first stories, because I had limited dialogue, and it truly changed the end product of my story. Even thought you made some minor changes here and there from the original Ramayana, I love how closely it follows the plot.

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  10. Hey Ashley,

    Your website/portfolio looks amazing. I think that it fits the theme very well. Each of the pictures on each page that you used were great fits. I read your second story and it was amazing. I think that it is just like the original story, but a little bit of personal seasoning of your own make the story a little more interesting. I like the fact that you talked about the dragon/demon that causes problems for the local people. The way that you described it was very good details and I can picture it in the back of my head. Brilliant use of the drought to make the local people suffer and the savior to come in to solve all the problem at hand. I wonder though what would the story be like if no one ever find out about the demon to kill him. Would the hero do some sort of trick to bait the demon out? I am just curious. It is a good story overall. Great job.

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